


Not Good Enough

by bepreparedf0rhell



Category: Motionless in White (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, nothing here is happy, prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:21:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22178470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bepreparedf0rhell/pseuds/bepreparedf0rhell
Summary: Prompt Fill: "Things you said over the phone." and "Things you said that I wish you hadn't."In which Ricky wants answers and Justin doesn't have them.
Relationships: Justin Morrow/Ricky "Horror" Olson
Comments: 10
Kudos: 12





	Not Good Enough

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dysphorie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dysphorie/gifts).



> i was prompted by the wonderful [dysphorie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dysphorie) to write justin and ricky with either of/both of the above prompts and it wasn't originally meant to go the direction it did but i still kind of like it, so... 💜

_“It’s over, dude. I can’t fucking do it anymore. It’s… it’s too much.”_

Ricky pauses the voicemail for the millionth time, still not totally able to believe Justin had actually been saying the words he had. Sure, it helps that he was pretty sure Justin had been crying in the message. It doesn’t help enough, though, and tears rise to Ricky’s eyes yet again. He’s spent the better part of the four hours since the message was left for him crying on and off, might as well start up again. 

_“It’s not about you. It’s just… I swear this isn’t a bullshit ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ thing but… I just wasn’t ready.”_

Ricky plays the next line of the message and sniffles loudly, watching as tears fall onto the screen of his phone.

_“And I’m sorry to do this over the fucking phone, I know it’s a dick move, but I just don’t think I could’ve looked into your stupid fucking baby blues and said it to your face. I think I’m too much of a coward to have done that.”_

Justin’s digital voice catches in his throat and he pauses. Ricky can hear him take a deep breath and he takes one himself. 

_“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I know that might be hard for you to believe and I’m sorry I don’t have more of a real explanation for you.”_

Ricky’s full on sobbing now, tears blurring his vision as sobs shake him. He’s a fucking mess but knows he’s not going to be able to stop himself from listening to the end of the message.

_“Because I know you’re going to say it when we talk at some point: I didn’t lie when I told you how I felt about you. It wasn’t a lie when I told you I love you, because god do I fucking love you. I just… I need to be on my own. I know it doesn’t make sense. I know it’s stupid, I just… you deserve better. Bye, Ricky.”_

The message ends and it takes everything inside Ricky not to play it again. If he does, he’s afraid he’ll be left in this pain spiral forever, and he can’t do that. He can’t let himself fall into that hole. 

Ricky knew they’d been fighting more, knew something had shifted between them. Somehow, he’d never expected a breakup. It had completely blindsided him and he just wanted to… disappear. 

He and Justin hadn’t even really liked each other when they’d met, had ended up together completely by accident, but goddamn it if Ricky hadn’t fallen completely head over heels for the fucking idiot. 

Everyone had told him. Everyone had told him that whatever the thing was with him and Justin, it probably wasn’t a good idea. He hadn’t listened because of course he hadn’t. And now? Now he was curled up into as tight a ball as he could manage on his couch in the dark with his arms tightly wrapped around a hoodie Justin had left at his place. Now, he was fucking pathetic. 

He’s just slipping off to sleep a few minutes later when his phone rings, startling him. 

“Fuck,” he mumbles, reaching for it just as it’s about to vibrate off of the coffee table and onto the floor. He stops dead when he sees the name and photo on the screen. It’s Justin. Of-fucking-course it’s Justin. 

Ricky takes a deep breath, clears his throat. The last thing he wants is Justin to know he’s been crying, even though he doesn’t really trust himself to not burst out in tears the second he hears his voice anyway. 

“Hey,” Ricky says, clicking the speakerphone button and putting it back down on the table. Justin doesn’t say anything for a minute and Ricky’s starting to wonder if maybe he butt-dialed him. Eventually, though, there’s a sigh from the other end. 

“Hi.”

Ricky doesn’t say anything, not willing to carry the conversation. Justin’s the one that called, Justin’s the one that can do the talking if he wants to. There’s another long pause until finally his voice comes through again. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Justin’s voice is small and sad and it takes everything in Ricky to keep himself from melting into a puddle and begging him not to break up with him. No, though. He won’t let himself do that. 

“For what? You didn’t tell me anything other than the fact that apparently you love me but you don’t want to date me anymore,” Ricky says, and he wishes desperately that his voice sounded stronger, more resolute.

“I know. I just… I’m not a good boyfriend, Ricky. I’m not cut out for it,” Justin says, and Ricky scoffs. 

“You were perfectly cut out for it when your dick was in my mouth.”

Ricky’s voice is much more full of venom than even he would’ve expected it to be, but he’s not sorry. In fact, he’s not even really sad anymore. Now he’s just kind of pissed. 

“Don’t be a fucking asshole, Ricky,” Justin says, clearly angry. Ricky just shrugs even though he can’t see him.

“Give me a real reason you broke up with me,” he tosses back, knowing full well that Justin can’t. He just doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. He wants to be able to fuck whoever he wants, and though it hurts that’s fine. Ricky’s just pissed he doesn’t seem to be able to come out and say it. 

“I told you, I just need time. I need to… be alone,” Justin says, and Ricky scoffs again. 

“Fuck off, Justin.”

“Please don’t be mad.”

Ricky’s full on laughing now, loud and maniacal. Nothing’s funny, but it’s almost just so stupid that he can’t help himself. 

“Fuck off, Justin,” he repeats, and Justin doesn’t say anything else for a while. Ricky considers hanging up on him, but just as he’s about to...

“Do you want me to tell you you’re not good enough? Do you want me to fucking tell you that I don’t want you to be the only one that I fuck anymore? Do you want me to fucking hurt you? I don’t want to, but if that’s what’ll make you feel better, I will.”

“Fuck off, Justin,” Ricky repeats one more time, tears in his eyes as he slams his finger onto the disconnect button on his phone’s screen. 

Just for good measure, Ricky throws the phone across the room and watches as it slams into the wall and falls onto the floor, the screen completely shattered. He knows he’ll be mad at himself for that one later, but right now it just doesn’t matter. Maybe later he’ll call Chris and ask him to come over and fuck the pain away. Right now, though, all he wants is to lie back down on the couch and cry into the cushions, and that’s exactly what he plans to do.

**Author's Note:**

> wheresyoursavior.tumblr.com


End file.
